Inner critic narratives contribute to feelings of anxiety, self-doubt, and low self-worth. If you have them, you are not alone.
According to research by the National Science Foundation, around 80 percent of the up to 50,000 thoughts we have daily are negative, so the active and ever- present subpersonality judging and demeaning us should come as no surprise.
Inner critic narratives activate in times of stress and uncertainty, further increasing levels of anxiety and depression. They often involve perfectionism and strong fears of failure influenced by past experiences or societal expectations.
The first step to fixing these crosstalk in your mind is understanding your inner critic’s common narratives so you can rewrite them. Below are the top three with some antidotes.
Get the latest self improvement books from Amazon“We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing, at whatever cost, must be attained.”
– Marie Curie on our inner critic
“I’m not good enough.”
Ah yes, our favorite ‘not good enough’ story. This narrative tells us we are not talented, smart, or capable enough to succeed. It undermines our self-confidence and makes us doubt our abilities. For example, it might say, ‘You’ll never be as good as others in your field, so why bother trying?’ This damages our will to take risks or pursue our goals.
It is also a gateway drug for the ‘comparison trap’, a common inner critic narrative where individuals constantly compare themselves to others and feel inferior or inadequate, catching themselves in an agonizing loop of sizing up their talents and abilities against others. The problem here is that you are not focused on your own talents or abilities and the ways you can uniquely cultivate them.
“I will fail, so why bother.”
The ‘fear of failure’ story is perhaps the biggest blocker for us when starting a new project, company, or initiative because it focuses on past letdowns. This narrative is a mishmash of the potential negative outcomes of our actions and fills us with anxiety and self-doubt. It constantly reminds us of past failures and convinces us that we’re destined to fail again. It holds us back from taking necessary risks and exploring new opportunities.
“I’m a fraud.”
The ‘imposter syndrome’ story is a pop culture favorite, often detailing how ordinary people pretended their way to mega success. Its sister narrative is the ‘fake it till you make it’ mantra, encouraging us to pretend we are thriving before we are with the premise that we will attract success along the way. Imposter syndrome narratives make us feel like a fraud, constantly questioning our accomplishments and attributing them to luck or external factors. It convinces us that we don’t deserve what we create. For example, it might say, ‘You only got that promotion because of luck. You’re not as skilled as your colleagues, and they will soon find out.’ How is that for starting a new gig? Not very inspiring.
This narrative is also a gateway drug to the ‘perfectionism trap’ where we set unrealistic standards and feel inadequate when they fall short instead of being more realistic about what we want to accomplish.
Rewrite the narratives
Practice self-compassion
One strategy for overcoming inner critic narratives is to practice self-compassion. This involves treating yourself with kindness and understanding rather than with harsh criticism. When you notice your inner critic arising, counteract it with self-compassionate thoughts and actions. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and that you deserve kindness and forgiveness. This can help to quiet the inner critic and replace negative self-talk with more positive and supportive inner dialogue.
Challenge validity
Irrational beliefs or distorted thinking patterns fuel our inner critics. By questioning the accuracy and truthfulness of these narratives, we weaken their power over us. Ask yourself if there is evidence to support the inner critic’s claims or if they are based on assumptions or negative self-perceptions. Engaging in critical thinking and examining the facts can help to dismantle these narratives and create space for more realistic and empowering thoughts.
Seek Support
Share your struggles and self-doubt with trusted friends, family members, or therapists. Talking about your inner critic’s narratives can help you gain perspective and receive validation and support. Others may offer alternative viewpoints or provide reassurance to counteract negative self-talk. Additionally, connecting with like-minded individuals working on overcoming their inner critic can provide a sense of community and encouragement.
Developing a growth mindset
A growth mindset is the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through effort and learning. By adopting this mindset, we can view setbacks and failures as opportunities for growth and improvement rather than as evidence of our inadequacy. Embracing a growth mindset allows us to reframe our inner critic’s narratives as temporary obstacles that can be overcome with perseverance and a willingness to learn. This shift in perspective can help reduce the inner critic’s impact and foster a more positive and resilient mindset.
Stop walking through the world looking for confirmation that you don’t belong. You will always find it because you’ve made that your mission.
– Brené Brown
Mindset Matters
Sounds cliche, we know, but a growth mindset is the only thing that can save you from inner critic narratives. The sooner you start cultivating one, the better your thoughts evolve, taking you out of destructive narratives. Think of this as a fine-tuning of the default setting in your brain.
It takes a village
Life takes a village. You can’t do it alone, even if you think you can. If you are reading this, chances are you tried and are struggling. Identify 1-2 close confidantes you know have your best interest in mind and are invested in your growth. A sounding board can help counter inner critic narratives by flushing them into reality.
